


If Only

by luckylyanna



Category: Chernobyl (TV 2019)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternative Tittle: Boris Scherbina Wants Dimension Travelling To Be A Thing, Anal Sex, Denial, Fantasizing, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Masturbation, Possibly OOC, Sense of Doom, Shame, Smitten Boris, That Old Man Is In Love And Won't Admit it, Wishful Thinking, imaginary sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2020-05-14 20:02:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19280176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luckylyanna/pseuds/luckylyanna
Summary: Boris Yevdokimovich Scherbina lets his mind run wild and regrets it.





	If Only

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, friends! So a few days ago I watched Chernobyl and LOVED it and this little thing is the result of that. Usually, my chapters range from 5k to 66k words, so something this short is very new to me. I wrote it in a few hours so I'm not sure how bad it is, but I do hope at least one person enjoys it. Enjoy!

Boris' head was full of thoughts tonight. Such had been the case ever since he'd gotten here, in Pripyat, the place of the worst nuclear disaster in all of history. But tonight his thoughts weren't of a possible solution for dealing with the situation and not of his own impending doom either. No, tonight his thoughts were much different. These weren't thoughts Boris had had before. He didn't even know he was capable of having such thoughts and, as a matter of fact, he was quite certain that a man like him shouldn't even be allowed to have such thoughts. If the KGB could get inside his head right now, they would probably shoot him on sight. But thankfully they couldn't, at least not yet. So at least in his head he was free to do whatever he liked.

 

 _If only_ , Boris thought as he exhaled the heavy smoke. He let the cigarette hang between his fingers and allowed his imagination run wild.

 

 _If only they'd met in a different place at different time,_ Boris pondered. _If only they hadn't been thrown into this mess. If only they hadn't signed their own death sentence the moment they'd set foot here. If only they didn't live in country where the love between two people of the same sex was considered a crime. If only the Union was practicing real communism and not their own sick version of it._

 

_If such a universe existed then perhaps in it Boris would have done more than just look at Valery for a little too long while the scientist was distracted by other matters. Maybe he would have even allowed himself to take Valery's hand in his own and tell him things he didn't even dare think. And if Valery felt the same, then Boris was certain he would have taken matters into his own hands and without a warning he would have finally tasted the mix of cigarettes and vodka on Valery's tongue that frequently been keeping him wide awake lately. Boris knew himself well enough to know one press of their lips together would never be enough. He would want more, he would want everything. Boris would devour Valery whole and make him his and his only._

 

_Boris was almost fully certain Valery was a virgin, but even if he wasn't, he would feel like one once Boris was done with him. Boris himself had never been with another man before, but he was certain he would figure it out somehow. At the end of the day, whether with a man or with a woman sex was about one thing only–power, and Boris had been craving power all his life while Valery seemed all to happy to let himself be led by someone mentally and physically stronger. A perfect combination in Boris' humble opinion._

 

_In this world that existed only in Boris' head, it wasn’t frowned upon for two men to live together as a man and a woman usually did._

 

_They would get a small house most likely in Moscow or maybe even in Pripyat, in the city it had once been before those three morons had turned it into a graveyard._

 

_Boris knew how much Valery hated having all the attention on him, so whatever place they got would have to be secluded, away from people’s eyes and ears so that Valery would be in peace. They would turn the basement into a mini lab for Valery to play in. The house would be small and cozy, but with a yard for sure, so that Valery could work outside in the summer._

 

_On Sundays, after dinner they would sit in their shared office in front of the fireplace and Boris would listen to Valery reciting his poetry to him. Oh, how lovely that would be …_

 

_And how lovely it would be to come home every day to someone he loved and trusted and someone who gave him the same in return._

 

_One swing of vodka swung Boris’ mind in a completely different direction and he suddenly thought how lovely it would be to have Valery’s willing mouth around his cock after a long day at work. Valery would be eager and no longer shy. He would most likely be sloppy, the same way he was with his clothes, but nevertheless, good. He knew his science and no doubt he would know how to make a man scream just with his tongue. And Boris would later return the favour._

 

_He imagined fucking Valery on an early winter morning, freshly woken up and right under the covers. It would be hard and fast, clumsy and dirty, and both of them would love it. For once Valery wouldn’t be wearing those hideous glasses of his that somehow made him look ravishing. The room filled with their joined moans as well as with the brutal sound of skin slapping against skin. The bed under them was creaking as if it would break any moment now and somehow that added to the pleasure Boris was feeling. Eventually Boris removed the heavy blanket off his back, allowing Valery to wrap his legs around his lover’s torso. Free from the heaviness on his back, Boris was able to pick up the pace and drove Valery mad as a result. Boris’  thrusts were hard and precise, hitting just the right spot inside his lover. Valery was a sweaty mess and barely coherent. He came without a warning and Boris followed only a few seconds later. He didn’t bother pulling out and instead stayed inside his partner, spending himself in his partner’s willing body._

 

_After the act was done Boris saw himself pressing his forehead against Valery’s and when he closed his eyes he could hear the scientist whisper three words._

 

_“Я люблю тебя.”_

 

_The words were said in Valery’s breathy voice and for a moment it all seemed so real that  Boris could almost believe it was actually happening._

 

Once he snapped out of trance Boris decided to blame the sudden tugging sensation in his heart on the radiation as well as the constant loneliness he had been experiencing this whole time. All of a sudden he realized how ridiculous he had been to let his mind wander that far. Those thoughts belonged in the head of a teenage girl, not in the had of a Soviet politician. Boris was certain that a nice, young, preferably blond girl, would erase all of these childish thoughts from his head. The trouble was, he suspected there was no such girl within a radius of at least thirty kilometers. So all he was left with was the half-empty bottle of vodka. And his soiled underpants, of course, to remind him how fucked up he was.

 

 _Valery’s leaving tomorrow,_ Boris reminded himself in an attempt to rationalize this, but there was no reasoning with his cock. _I’ve grown fond of him and I’m drunk. This means nothing. My brain’s probably starting to melt._

 

And yet when he went to bed that night and finally decided to seek relief for that poor, old cock of his, his mind took him back to that small house, and to Valery, who looked unsurprisingly happy to welcome him back.

 

When he came, Boris heard Valery say the same words from before and this time there was nothing left to do but say them back.

**Author's Note:**

> Я люблю тебя means I love you in Russian, for those of you who didn't know. 
> 
> Sidenote, as someone whose country was more or less a part of the Soviet Union, I feel the need to mention this place was insanely homophobic. Like...super, super homophobic so that explains Boris' train of thought more or less. I don't think I have anything left to add, but if you have any questions, ask away! Feedback is always appreciated! Thank you for reading!


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